I can't take much more of this without completely shutting down.

For a very, very short amount of time, I was getting professional help... the meds aren't doing anything at all--if anything, I feel worse--and my school performance is slipping again. I don't feel like I have any friends, and I don't know how to talk to people.

My grandma is (was?) in the hospital, my uncle has cancer, my grandma on my mother's side is never coming back from Kansas, my whole family is insane and has a plethora of personality disorders or something, my half-sister was born yesterday without me knowing... I don't ever talk to anyone about anything, I don't trust them and I don't want to bother them with my stupid problems.

I'm so tired all the time; time passes really strangely and I don't think I'm drinking enough throughout the day. I see colours too often. I play music worse than I did two years ago... I'm not comprehending things as well as I should, I think.

I've only been talking to people at school, if I talk to them at all. Some days I go through without really talking to people at all. Which doesn't get too bothersome (it's my fault), but I just feel really alone most of the time. Which is completely stupid, because I'm not, but... I don't know. I really, really wish I could keep (close) friends for longer than a few months...

Try To Smile For The Morning Light

Do you know anyone who is mentally disabled?: Depends on how you define "mentally disabled"...
Who knows you the best?: I know myself the best--which, to be honest, isn't saying much.
Four words to explain the last time you were mad?: I was probably tired.
Have you ever accidentaly burned yourself?: Yes, in first grade when I accidentally touched the taco tray... thing.
When was the last time you had apple pie?: I tried some at Sam's Club before Thanksgiving.
What is your least favorite cuss word?: I don't like "cuss words" in general, to be honest.
Who is your hero?: Robin, except not really.
Would you ever want to be a super model?: No.
Do you tell white lies?: Occasionally.
Who is the most experimental person you know?: Hm... I'm not sure.
You obviously like taking surveys, am I right?: When I'm bored, yes.
How do you handle a break-up?: For a second I read that as "dial-up" and I was about to spazz, but eh. My reaction to "break-up" is a lot more mild than "dial-up". ...which is probably weird.
Your motivation for tomorrow?: Month 'till Sims 3. Which will be cool if my laptop can handle it.
What did you have for breakfast two days ago?: Nothing.
Have you ever been to any concerts?: Yes... four so far, I think.
Is there a phone book in the room you're in right now?: No.
Do you have good eyesight?: Not at all, though I'm not quite legally blind... yet.
Do you kiss your pets on the mouth?: Don't have any, but I wouldn't if I did. That's not sanitary at all, and I get weird about germs.
What serial killer do you find most disturbing?: I don't know--I don't really study up on them.
Would you ever work in a nursing home?: No.
Do you believe plants have feeling?: Yes.
What do you think about: What don't I think about?
Are you ever purposely irritating?: Yes, when I'm being childish.
If you were a super hero, what would your name be?: Not sure.
One best friend or ten aquaintances?: Depends on the friend and the aquaintances...
What is your least favorite food?: A lot of things... I really can't stand seafood, though.
Do you believe that your first love never dies?: Depends on the person and the circumstances.
Where was the last place that you ordered fast-food?: Taco Bell.
Are you an emotional person?: Eh... not really.
What is your name? Do you like it?: Rebecca; yes, I do like it, for the most part.
Do you have a bad tastes in your mouth right now?: No.
Twitter or Livejournal?: Livejournal.
Favorite place to be?: Not sure.
What does your hair look like right now?: Not the way I want it to look; I was looking for my hat, but I got tired of looking about five seconds after I started.
How many people do you fully trust?: 0, including myself.
Are you thinking of anyone right now?: No.
Was this fun?: Sure.

Take This Survey | Search Surveys | MySpace Surveys
Survey found on Bzoink

I got a new baby! ♥ Her name is Maestoso~ I call her Mae for short. (I originally wanted to name her Luigi or Peasley, but nooooo, Meaghs didn't like those names...)

She's a PS3. :3 And I love 'er so far, though I don't really have any use for her quite yet. Games are expensive, and the system is expensive itself... and heavy! The PS3 is heavier than both Wii and 360.

Uh. ...Yeah.

Not much to talk about! I keep screwing up my sleeping schedule.

I'm prolly gonna post more on Geigerin; I wanna update that with video game stuff, anyway.

I woke up this morning and I was told within a half hour or so that I'd be seeing a counselor in fifty minutes.

It was a bit strange to have that be the first thing I was told, but that's okay.

It wasn't very exciting--the first visit is the ~getting to know you~ visit, so we just talked about why I was there. My mom actually did most of the talking; I didn't say much. Not entirely sure how this will play out, but I guess I am going to fill in circles or something eventually.

I'm going back on the 13th.

I have a headache. :/

...darn, I left this open and got distracted. I was going to post this, take a shower, and sleep. But now it's 12:34. :/

I had stuff to say, but I should really get to sleep.

I'M HOME YAY

I went to Lauren's house last night for a sleepover party thingy, and I ended up getting maybe two short tiny naps (under thirty minutes) the whole time I was there. And then I had to be ready to leave at 6:30 so I could get picked up by my mom, because my sister had hockey at 8 and needed to be there by 7 something.

Man, my bag is still there because they moved it and I didn't want to wake them up searching for it. Andrew and Josh and Lauren were all still asleep in Lauren's room, and Lauren's stupid dog kept trying to wake everyone up, so I just decided to leave it and go because Meaghan's the only goalie the team has and she can't be late.

We went to a stupid cemetery to try and see ~spirits~ and all of them believed there were spirits there (Andrew wasn't there when we went to the cemetery at first). Seriously. I was just... amazed by that. Spirits?

Pfft, it was hilarious when the Ouija Board didn't do anything, though. It's a stupid board game. The ~spirits~ aren't going to magically move the stupid thing to answer questions; if there were spirits, they probably thought we were all stupid and wanted us to get away from them. I know I would if I were a spirit. "Oh, spirits, would you talk to us? We want to know if you're there!" WOW.

And then Lauren asked, "Are there any spirits here that would want to talk to us?"
After a while of sitting in silence, I remarked, "...Isn't that question kind of pointless? Because if the answer was no..."
And then everyone was all, "REBECCA SHUT UP WHY'D YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT GOD >("

They made me shut off my mp3 player! Because it might've been ~offending the spirits~ or something stupid like that. It was as quiet as it could be; no one even knew it was on until I mentioned having it, and then they all told me to turn it off.

Didn't even want to go in the first place; I could've maybe gotten away with not going if my mom and I hadn't run into Lauren, Kelsey, and Lauren's mom at Hot Topic. But no, we did, and so I went and mostly just talked to Danielle because Josh and Andrew and Lauren were off doing whatever they were doing. Kelsey was with them for most of the time, too. They were watching Across the Universe and some stupid internet celebrity, I don't know.

I watched Corpse Bride, I guess that was fun... even though I've seen it already, it's still cool to watch.

I was acting very upset this morning--mostly because I just wanted to sleep. I ended up sleeping for two hours in the van during my sister's hockey game. I'm still tired.

Everyone talked about the music/drama dept. for this year (excluding Kelsey, who goes to MGSH). ...Well, mostly the band kids talked about section leaders and stuff. I complained about the musical a little and asked who everyone thought would be concert master for the orchestra. (Everyone said they thought Alex would be.)

Andrew showed me 50 billion different songs, which was actually kind of fun. I love music. :3 Some of it clashed horribly with the Guitar Hero in the background, but that's okay.

Um...

Lauren's dumb dog kept slobbering and jumping all over and just getting in the way in general. He almost pushed me down the stairs when I first got there, which I didn't appreciate. Every time I go to her house, I like dogs less and less.

I like animals. Really, I do. I am one.

But I generally don't like having them near me. The more obnoxious they are, the less I want them near me.

Monty is so very obnoxious. Lauren kept getting upset because people were ~being mean to her dog~. No one was, we just didn't want him near us.

Especially me.

I'm around slobber and drool and screaming/loud noises all day during the week.

Dogs are like babies/children.

I don't want to deal with babies/children on the weekends. Or any time I don't have to. I'm sick of them. They can be cute, sure. But I'm immune to ~cuteness~ of that type.

And although I like cats more than dogs, they can be almost as obnoxious sometimes. Any animal can, humans included.

Which is why I love plants 10x more than animals. :D They don't bother me! They don't drool on me! They don't follow me everywhere! They don't make annoying noises!

aksjdalkd I'm so glad I don't have a dog, I'd kill myself

I may end up living alone in a very empty house when I'm older, but at least I'll be happy. I can have a bunch of plants or something. And a robot.

If some of this doesn't make sense, blame it on the fact I just messed up my sleeping schedule even more. :/

I have another bad headache. It's annoying.

I found a bunch of candies in my room, and that's never good, because if I find food just sitting around, chances are I'll eat it. Just because I can.

...yeah.

Um, I have a lot of random crap to talk about... but I'll do that when I don't have a horrible headache. Maybe after I eat?

I was going to put songs on a CD, I should do that now before I forget again.

Okay, so I'm apparently psychic or something.

I was looking through some old Gaia messages, and I found the ones back from when I was giving Bobby advice...
( Oldish Gaia PMs and rambling about nonsense )
I'm all shaky. :/ I don't know why.... maybe it's 'cause I'm hungry? But that doesn't make any sense. I dunno, I'm just shaking.

Mmm, marble Pocky~ It's all going to be gone because I'm going to eat it all right now. There's not enough in the box... then again, each little package is a serving... hm.

CHANGE

Okay.

I have interesting conversations with people:
( lolAIM )

AND THEN HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING AFTER THAT. I don't know if I, like. Scared him away from the topic or something. I PROBABLY DID, I ALWAYS DO THAT TO PEOPLE I'm sorry I don't like anything normal, I guess? I just... don't like normal things. It's like this:

Normal Person: I like het, y'know, it's just... what's normal, right?
Me: I LIKE WALL-E AND EVE'S RELATIONSHIP. :D IT WAS CUTE AND AMAZING.
NP: Uh... I mean, like. Humans.
Me: THERE ARE GAMES WHERE YOU CAN MARRY ALIEN LADIES AND YOU'RE A HUMAN GUY. :3
NP: ...I like slash, too! It's not as "normal" as het, but it's still a natural thing...
Me: Yeah, I think that Luigi and Prince Peasley are cute together. c:
NP: ...what.
Me: They are.
NP: THAT'S MY CHILDHOOD WTF
Me: YOU CAN'T DENY THE TRUUUUUUUUUUTH although Luigi and Daisy can be cute together sometimes, I guess.
NP: ...well, that's more normal.
Me: I like PxL better, though. Since Luigi was a freaking FANBOY about Peasley in Superstar Saga.
NP: WHERE DO YOU GET THIS FROM
Me: ALL HE WANTED FROM PEASLEY AT THE END WAS A HUG AND PEASLEY JUST ~FLEW AWAY~ and poor Luigi was left there crying all by himself ;_;
NP: what.
Me: It's in the game!
NP: You're on drugs. ...Aha! I also like femslash. Try and make that weird. >)
Me: LESBEANS I have two characters actually and one is a captain leader person and they meet this alien lady and they're ENGAGED isn't that happy? :D
NP: >( NO
Me: And also, ALSO... well, no. It's really hard to find lesbians in stuff. D: There are too many guys.
NP: I HAVE DEFEATED YOU
Me: I LIKE LEGOLAS/GIMLI AND SAM/FRODO :D
NP: ...NEITHER OF THOSE ARE AESTHETICALLY PLEASING
Me: MY IDEAS ABOUT AESTHETICS ARE OBVIOUSLY WAY DIFFERENT FROM YOURS SINCE MY OTP IS AN ITALIAN PLUMBER AND A BEAN PRINCE WITH SPARKLY HAIR
NP: DOES NOT COMPUTE
Me: Success! :D

Seriously, that's... pretty much how it is. Then again, people probably think I'm crazy since I like pairings based on the personalities of the characters involved. Most people probably go "OMG THEY LOOK SO ~PRETTY~ TOGETHER" and that's it. My beloved pairings make sense, okay. Prettyboy A and Prettyboy B had better have some personality, otherwise they get no love from me.

I like Harry/Draco, but only after some extra character development and with full acknowledgement of the fact that neither of them are ~super gorgeous~ men. Mistful's fics do a good job with that (and actually, her two ongoing H/D fics aren't strictly H/D--the two have other love interests and no one is bashed or treated unfairly).

I am seeing shapes and colours, this is not a good thing. Eurgh.

Lauren is coming over, I guess. I don't know what we're going to do. :/ Probably just play video games, since I'm so BORING. I need to clean my room. Badly. Hmmmm.

( From a myspace bulletin someone posted~ )

( And another~ )

pffft. I'm eerily giddy 'cause of the whole Luigi and Peasley thing. I knew I was a huge fangirl of the pairing, but for it to make me all giggly and cheery even when I'm messed up like I am is kind of huge. I've actually been using random fluffy pictures to cheer myself up when I feel my façade slipping. (I love that "c" thing, it looks so pretty...)

As a normal fandom person would say (one without issues about certain words like me), I am completely and utterly gay for that pairing. I don't like using the word gay like that--for somewhat obvious reasons--but, uh, it's actually a fandom thing for some reason. Fandom is kind of weird, I dunno.

Molly remembers me.

I'm afraid, though... what if I'm way too different? She remembers the dorky stuff we did, she seems to think of it all in a really positive light... but I'm too formal and I can't make myself act casual.

I'm putting up a falsely cheerful front, which is bad because I've never lied to her. And yet here I am, pretending to be something I'm not...

Lauren's apparently having issues because she thinks she's fat...

I'm way too warm, and I feel kind of sick. I haven't been taking the best care of myself, I guess... I keep staying up late and I don't eat or drink enough. I have problems sleeping, though, and I'm usually not very hungry...

I'm trying to cheer up Lauren the best I can... feels so fake, though...

I have been feeling really weird lately.

I need to fix this...

EDIT: i can't believe we're seniors! it's crazy. i could care less about band. but cool for you and orchestra. you're amazingly talented aren't you

...♥ I've missed you, Molly. :) I don't know where that came from, but it brought a smile to my face all the same~

An emotionless smile, but a smile nonetheless.

I need to sleep soon... I don't feel tired at all, but my vision is starting to blur a little...

I just realized something about myself--something that I should've realized long ago, especially since Ms. Price kind of brought it up during the school year.

I don't trust people.

My biggest fear is to be abandoned, and I expect everyone around me to abandon me. Which means I fear getting close to people, because one day they won't be there anymore.

I don't mean death or anything--people can't help dying (unless they commit suicide, I guess), and so I'm not worried about that. It's people leaving me on purpose, knowing exactly what they're doing and choosing to leave me.

Or just choosing everyone else over me.

It's happened since I was young--my friends have always had more friends than I have; most of my friends were friends with each other; I was always interested in meeting the friends of my friends.

You invite two friends over, and the next thing you know they're planning a sleepover with each other behind your back for the very next day. You're not invited, but you get to hear all about it, since they're talking about it right in front of you.

You're hanging out with friends, and a sleepover is being planned right in front of you--not at your house this time, but you're still there and you can still hear.

You wake up after a sleepover to find a friend had left in the middle of the night; you wake up to find both friends went to hang out with each other earlier in the morning...

Tiring. Heartbreaking, for a young girl that isn't quite sure still how to make and keep friends. For a young girl that can't afford to lose the few friends she actually has.

In a way, I bought my friends. Not always with material things, though I was sure to get presents for all of my friends--but I listened and I paid attention and I helped as much as I could without asking for anything in return. I never complained about the sleepovers that were planned in front of me; I never said anything about the fact it sometimes seemed my friends only liked me for some of the stuff I had instead of for who I was.


Aaaand wow, I thought I had blocked that from memory--what could be classified as my first "gay" moment. Okay then brain, that really doesn't fit in and what the hell how old was I. ...Sailor Moon was still on Cartoon Network... hm. ...Wait a second, I didn't have a little girl crush on Alex, did I? Not boy!Alex, but girl!Alex? I actually think I had little girl crushes on both of them. What. ...well, then. Okay.

DIGRESSING, that has absolutely nothing to do with anything, WOW. Okay. Uh.

So. Yeah, I've never really thought my friends would stick around. So I withdraw before they get a chance to, I guess?

I just got confused because of that random memory and it's way too late, I can't even remember what I was going to say.

irjjgnksejrnjjjjjjj

I really wish I could find my remote. I bet it fell or something.

So--proving once again that I am a giant freak--I was cheered up by seeing the Batman movie. More specifically, I was considerably pleased that the Joker was wearing a dress. I like boys in dresses, yes, I am weird, look at my icon kthx. (It's Luigi, just in case you can't tell. He dresses up as Peach twice, and dresses up in a nurse's outfit another time. Oh, Luigi~ I love you so much for the various things you do. ♥)

I like girls in dresses too! But it's easier to get a girl to wear a dress in most cases, and the Joker is like... psychotic and yeah my brain might've automatically been all "awww!" at him in a nurse's dress but I have already established the fact I'm a giant freak. It's okay.

Man, though, it was a good movie. Once again, can't appreciate it the way I would've, but I know that if I were feeling normal, I would've enjoyed it so much. No Robin or Harley Quinn, but the Joker was amazing and just how he should be.

Which reminds me, I tend to like my villains either irredeemable and insane or pretty much failtastic. Two examples (from the same game!) would be Dimentio for the former and Mr. L for the latter. Poor Luigi just can't get anything right, even as a villain. ♥ He needs a prince someone to help him out a little, I think.

Which brings me to the next thing that cheered me up~ I am so gay for PxL, omgsrsly. Luigi and Peasley are just... adorable together somehow. They always bring a smile to my face, even when I'm having stupid issues like I have been. :)

Lauren and Kelsey were better than I thought they'd be--they didn't talk to me much, yeah, and Lauren was on the phone with her boyfriend for pretty much the whole time before the movie started, but it wasn't obnoxious or anything. Which is something I appreciated.

I... really was feeling pretty down earlier. I'm back to "normal" now, which is pretty much blankness. It's good in a way and bad in a way. At least there are still things that make me smile? Even if I don't always feel the happiness...

I need to find the remote for my stereo... I know it's somewhere in my room.

I... give up.

Invited Lauren to go see new Batman movie with family; she said she'd love to go. we bought her a ticket, and she's bringing a friend along.

Could this please stop happening to me? My friends never... argh.

Like I said, I give up. I'm slowly becoming completely apathetic anyway, there's no reason for me to even bother.

I was... kind of excited about the whole RP thing, but I just completely lost all motivation to do anything with it. like everything else.

The ironic thing is that I didn't even want to invite Lauren in the first place, but my mom told me I should... I thought that maybe having a friend to talk to would help my apathy dissipate a little. My mom's a little upset about the whole thing, now; she can't believe Lauren would do that. We're giving her a ride, too. I don't... I don't even care if I see the new Batman movie, I'm tired and I feel miserable. I feel like I'm going to cry--which is stupid, I'm used to this and it shouldn't matter anymore--but having a friend around after feeling like a complete failure would be nice.

I failed my stupid driver's test again, I hate driving and I'll never pass it because I fail at everything I try to do, I can never motivate myself and when I can I get nervous and screw up and never want to try it again...

I had... there was one day kind of recently where I felt a little motivated, and then it just left...

I don't want to do this anymore.

I am in a horrible mood right now, due to multiple things. Mostly because I set my alarm clock for 6 and it didn't wake me up, so now I have like ten minutes to do everything I wanted to do in an hour and a half.

The slightest thing is really making me just explode, though, which is... odd and kind of not good, because if I, say, hurt my arm, my reaction is going to be a bit weird...

Of course, that really sucks, because all the crap my mom and my aunt put in my hair is making it itchy now, which isn't helping my irritability at all; I don't even want to touch my freaking hair because the stuff they put in it made it stiff and unnatural-feeling. I'm afraid I'm going to end up like pulling my hair out or something if I get pissed off enough.

Apparently my mom asked me if I wanted a strawberry breakfast shake thing and I said yes. I don't remember that, what the hell.

Today is going to SUCK especially since I'm not even freaking angry, this doesn't make any sense at all.

And, of course, I lost all my extra time to do assignments! So I get to write two essays in two hours and then pick up some extra assignments to do. How exciting. Not.

EDIT: Uh, 'kay, I... think I'm normal now? I don't think I'll start screaming at anyone or attacking someone.

Um...

So! I only have one more thing of summer school, even though I finished everything early. There are some people with like 16 credits left to finish, and they were there before me.

I just called Peasley "Peasles" in my mind, what the heck. Mind typos?

I want to sleeeeeeeep. But it's only three. D:

nothing is really funny. um.

So, I have a really bad headache right now. I'm guessing it's because I should've been asleep hours ago and I have tons of random stupid stuff in my hair from ~pictures~.

BUT I am RPing right now, so I cannot sleep. Everyone is in a different timezone, I think, 'cause people are usually on the most when I'd normally be sleeping. (This of course means that when school starts I'll have to slooooow down, but that won't be too bad... Especially since I'm barely active as is (I am lame).)

Sooo, Mewtwo is Kirlia's roommate for the hot springs ~school vacation~. He is a video game nerd! He thinks Kirlia is girly. And Kirlia is girly. So very girly. HE'S A BALLET DANCER :D BECAUSE I ENJOY EMASCULATING MEN, AHAHAHA

Actually, I just have absolutely no need for gender barriers and so I screw with them as much as I can. A person that looks "exactly like a woman" could come up to me and tell me they're a man, and I would call them a man. Kirlia happens to be a boy with some "feminine" traits. Still a dude, fer srs.

this headache hurts so much, seriously, I am going to explode

And I'm actually tired for once, yet I am staying up so that Mewtwo-mun has someone to thread with. Once they get to their room, I am sleeping.

askjdkjfh or I'm sleeping now, my head really really hurts and (s)he hasn't replied in over ten minutes. It's safe to say they are busy doing something, and I need sleep. I've had some weird form of insomnia the past few days, and now that I'm actually tired, I really should be sleeping.

I can't believe it's 2:30...

what the hell I thought I posted this

awkjdhasdkjh SLEEP

I just almost made myself fall down/up the stairs because I saw a sock.

...This is why I'm not allowed to wander around in the dark. (I didn't know it was a sock at first, in my defence!)

Luigi's keeping me company right now, but I'm not tired... I can't remember what we have to do tomorrow; I know my mom kept trying to get me to talk to Lauren and hang out with her or something.


uhhhhhh....

Man, I can't even remember what I was going to say anymore.

wtf the phone is ringing it's almost midnight

Oh wait, it's Meaghan. I wanna go with to pick her up, better go. Talk about her bad attitude later.

EDIT: Okay, nevermind then. I guess both of her friends need a ride home now.

So I'll just talk about Meaghan's bad attitude! Meaghan has been a brat recently. We are not sure why. I think it's because she's a teenager; if that is the case, that's going to be irritating. I'm going to punch her in the face if she doesn't stop complaining and whining and yelling. I think she thinks she's cool/above everyone else? She certainly acts that way. I mean, I have that same mindset sometimes, but I also have a very screwed up superiority complex.

She can't have a freaking superiority complex, she doesn't understand easy math! I have to constantly help her with her stupid math assignments--of course, the irony in the situation is that she doesn't get it, but she gets to be in HP math and I got placed in a lower math class despite understanding EVERYTHING we were taught. I never had to ask for help from someone else in the family, never. And yet I've helped both my sister and my brother--both apparently star students that can understand math more than the average child--WITH MATH. One of my least favourite subjects.

I will always be bitter about that. And along with my superiority complex, I have an inferiority complex. Guess which one the math thing feeds.

...urgh, sorry, tangent. I don't get how my emotions can stay blank and yet I can still go off on "angry" tangents... but whatever.

Anyway, back to my sister... she keeps getting upset about stupid things. It's worse when she's around her friends--the friends she constantly complains about--which is to be expected, I guess.

Today I pseudo-cheerfully said that I had "crabby" siblings, and Meaghan responded with, "Yeah, well you're crabby sometimes, too."

Guess what, Meaghs? :D

NO I'M NOT.

I haven't been angry in quite some time, now; I haven't been irritated or happy or sad or anything. I've been occasionally energetic; mostly lethargic; always apathetic.

Try living with that for a while. Maybe you'll calm down a bit.

wheeeeeeeee, I'm tired and I need sleep.

Let's see...

Today:

- Went to summer school; had teacher praise my work ("It's always such high quality!") and marvel at my failing ("I don't know how you managed to fail, you do so well!") despite the fact I'm not trying at all and the quality of my work is steadily going down.

- Got FF:A2. Played for... three hours, now. Pretty good game, from what I can see! I still can't manage to actually enjoy it, but it gives me something to do that I normally would enjoy, so...

- Brother got NES and Megaman 2. Megaman 2 had issues; returned it and got another copy. Other copy had issues. I was looked to as some form of tech support? I know nothing about the NES; I basically just made sure my brother didn't spazz too badly and provided some form of entertainment. I don't know what is wrong with it.

- Lusted after Gamegear in store for the millionth time. Resisting temptation to buy it. Especially since I found out my memories were slightly faulty and Aisha was the yellow ranger at that time; Trini was long gone.

- For some reason, school came up? Brother and mother talked about me and my grades. I listened to my mp3 player and don't know exactly what was said. It's probably better that way.

Recently:

- Started playing Super Paper Mario again. Another fun game I don't enjoy at all... almost at the end.

- Been tuning everyone out lately with music... I have to stop that. it pisses Mom off when I don't hear her

- Still don't care; made some decisions, but I'm not entirely sure if they'll last. We'll see.

- So very tired right now.


sdfljklngai

I haven't posted in four days? ...er.

WELL ANYWAY,

MY HEART! ;__;

When I say "my heart" like that, I am of course referring to the picture itself and then Peasley commenting on Luigi's sadness, Luigi "responding", Peasley giving Luigi a hug, and then the two of them just hugging each other. AWWWWWWW.

...Seriously, though, my heart/I was all "asdjajkdfhjk ohgod cute ;___;" when I first saw it. I AM NOT SURE IF THAT'S A GOOD THING OR A BAD THING but I am going to say it's good! Because how could Peasley giving Luigi hugs be bad? IT COULDN'T, THAT'S HOW!

I have to go to summer school in like... some number of minutes.

It is so boring. I'm beginning to be a ~slacker~. Which... is really bad, but oh well. I'm ahead, so I can't get too far behind.
SO BORING, though. I can't listen to music! So I'm just... sitting there, answering stupid literary questions about really easy readings that an average fourth grader could probably comprehend with ease.

You know, all the other kids listen to music anyway... I wonder if it'd be okay for me to...
...But I don't want to break any rules. :/ ARGH, CURSE MY RULE-FOLLOWING WAYS!

Actually, I read one good story in the study hall class. It was about Merlin and Arthur. He became an ant!

uh... I should probably start getting ready I have like 30 minutes left to do nothing, but whatever

WHY CAN'T I FIND NORMAL THINGS ADORABLE?

It's like... everything that makes me feel oddly giddy is just weird.

For example, freaking Luigi/Peasley slash. WTF. WHY IS THAT SO ADORABLE TO ME? It's... a green bean prince with sparkly hair and a plumber. Being cute at each other, sure, but... everyone is cute at each other okay that's a complete lie, I hate people EVERYONE SHOULD BE CUTE AT EACH OTHER 24/7, IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME HAPPY, I AM STILL A SAPPY ROMANTIC GIRLY FREAK, YESSSSS

I should not be up this late, but I have been staying up later for the sole purpose of watching the PxL relationship form at SBG. This is...

Well, it's fangirlism at its purest form, really. Which isn't too shocking.

And if I think about it, I can see how I'd find it cute. Luigi is such a shy dorky adorable little guy, and Peasley is super confident and sparkly. It is cute, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people would agree if you cut out the part where one person isn't human and the other is a plumber--and the fact that they're both guys, durr.

pfffft i'm a strange, strange girl and I won't even try to deny it.

MEAGHAN SAID SHE'D DRESS UP AS DIMENTIO FOR HALLOWEEN, but I was thinking about maybe being Dimentio. I find him cute, for some really weird reason.

Hahaha, she should be Dimentio and then I could be Mr. L. xD I ALREADY HAVE MY OVERALLS FROM LAST YEAR

But I shouldn't even try to plan something like that, last year she said she'd be Mario and then she backed out. >( And so I was a Mario-less Luigi! What kind of Luigi doesn't have a Mario running around doing heroic things?! I CANNOT PROPERLY COWER BEFORE GHOSTS WITHOUT MY SIBLING THERE BY MY SIDE

It'd be awesome to be Luigi again (I say this because I am a giant dork and I love Luigi to death, ♥), but I think if I did that I'd try and fix my hat issues (pillow =/= hat). Maybe I could make my own hat! I have a sewing machine somewhere, and it can't be that hard... right?

I still kind of want to be Peasley for Halloween like I was originally planning last year, but I would die in that outfit. Not only would I be freezing cold, but I would also be embarrassed in it because his tunic/dress thing is freaking short. I would blush to death.

IT IS QUITE SAD, BECAUSE MY HAIR IS PRETTY MUCH PERFECT
It just needs to be a tiny bit shorter and then... well, blonde, since my hair is a light brown normally. I guess that wouldn't really work, because I love my hair too much to actually change its colour, ahahaha |D

I am kind of sleepy. it is 1:21. Hm. Yesterday I stayed up until 2 or 3...

I left room for an extra note about "Mini Phil", and I completely forgot to write whatever it was. I can't remember it anymore.

For some weird reason, my alarm clock didn't go off this morning, which caused me to rush to get my summer school assignment completed. That of course frustrated my mom and made her question my ability to get things done, even though it would've been done on time if my alarm had gone of like it should've. Stupid alarm.

VISTA sucks and keeps screwing with the way I download updates. It doesn't recognize them half the time; I tried to install an update to fix the installation for the printer, but it said my system didn't need it or something when it clearly did. So I hunted the printer's drivers down on the internet instead of using the CD, which apparently couldn't be recognized at all (it said there was no CD, what the heck). I scanned... two pictures? I am going to scan more tomorrow, I got tired of messing with things and I thought it wasn't working the way I wanted it to (it said only one thing had scanned when two had).

In other news, my favourite character in Futurama dies in the newest movie. D: That is sad.

I shouldn't be awake right now, it's already July. urgh. I wished my dad a happy birthday on Facebook because my phone is dead and my computer has been stupid lately, so I didn't want to try and send an e-mail. He never checks Facebook, but whatever. I had school and the quality of my work is starting to really slip.

something something something... peanuts.